Working Mom Vs. SAHM

You always hear the debate about which is tougher: being a working mom or a stay-at-home-mom.  Now that I’ve done both for at least a short time, I’ve been debating that myself.  I’ve stayed at home 100% of the time and I’ve worked anywhere from 30-45 hours/week.  Granted this is only with one child and the working part has been entirely during pregnancy which may have (who am I kidding – it definitely did) affected my energy level, but these are my thoughts just the same – if anyone cares!

For me, being a SAHM took a little extra creativity and ability to find mundane things stimulating.  I had to put time into entertaining both myself and Josiah while being productive just to keep our quality of life interesting.  This required some structure to our day, playdates, visits to the library and park, and making games out of chores, among other things.  I also struggled with feeling like I was falling behind and wasting what I had spent years in school studying.  I didn’t have many opportunities to practice my passion of vet med.  While caring for my family is also a passion, they are in two totally different categories on two separate levels and one does not make up for or compare to the other.  My “duties” of having a relatively clean house, decent meals, groceries on hand, a happy husband, and a thriving child were easy to achieve in the time I had, but I always felt pressure to do better and was constantly falling behind in the other non-existent area of my life.

As a working mom who knew what it was like to miss her passion, I promised myself I wouldn’t complain about going to work and while I haven’t totally made good on that promise, there’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful to have my job.  I’m working a bit more than I’d like and during those times that I work 40+ hours, I find I’m not able to be my mom/wife self as well as I’d like.  In general, though, when I’m working a little less, with a little organization and preparation put into it, I’m quite happy with the setup.  I’m able to spend time with my sweeties, prepare meals in advance (that thankfully Jacob has gotten quite good at warming up/finishing up when I don’t get home until nearly 7pm), and have “the best of both worlds”, so it seems.  Of course nothing is perfect and if I don’t stay on top of things, I quickly fall behind and become frustrated, but it works out.  I have also found that Josiah greatly benefits from the outlet he gets at his sitter with other kids.

So, in summary, I can’t say either one is harder or easier since both have their pros and cons.  To do either or both well is difficult and takes work.  I’ve decided that being your best is what is challenging and has little to do with what it is you are actually doing.  This encourages me because I seem to spend so much time searching for the next best situation when really it is all about phases in life and doing what needs to be done the best you know how for the time being.  So the biggest struggle lies in fulfilling that role to a level or standard that makes you happy with yourself the majority of the time and your family (and employer, if that's the case) happy with what they get from you until your role morphs into the next phase.

As a side note…I wrote the above awhile back but the other day I ran into someone I met at the hospital when I had Josiah.  She just had her second baby and is a SAHM.  I asked her how it was to have two kids and she said it is hard and that she is really glad when her husband gets home everyday.  While I always look(ed) forward to Jacob coming home, there is a difference between anticipation and desperation.  There were times that I had that desperation when I was a SAHM, but now I honestly always look forward to my alone time with Josiah (though “me” time is pretty darn good too!).  Though I loved my time at home and sometimes wish for those “easier” and more organized times, I’m glad to have some sort of outlet, even if it is work.