Sentiments

I’ve been trying to catch up on some blogging that I’ve had in the back of my mind lately.  I find that I have so much more to document with two older boys.  While going through some old posts I wrote I came across this one from nearly a year ago that I never posted.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because it is just my thoughts and, therefore, on the boring side, but I decided to include it anyway.

I’ve been sorting through the many pictures I’ve taken over the last six months since Elijah was born and I just can’t believe how much they have each changed, particularly Josiah.  I had felt like he has matured so much and the pictures prove it.  It makes me feel bittersweet that my baby’s baby years are over.  Forever.  As for Elijah, his newborn days are over.  Forever.  I can’t really explain why this is on my mind in such a way lately.  I guess because when we had anticipated having children, while we knew they would grow into kids, we first pictured babies.  Now that baby is a moving out of toddlerhood and on to his preschool years.  Not only that, we have another one who can no longer be considered brand new.  How is this possible?

It has just been hitting me how precious these times have been and how I should appreciate each hectic moment.  I also have regret for not seizing every moment and enjoying it, yet how is that really possible?  I love these boys with all that I am and I’m learning to let go of the frustration and just enjoy fun, sweet moments (with a bit of discipline mixed in!).  I feel like my life has been transformed since making this shift.  Hopefully I can continue this trend and even improve on it.  I’m learning to approach each endeavor with the boys with a positive twist which usually results in a better outcome overall.  Josiah has responded wonderfully.  Of course every day there is some sort of silly or serious trial that challenges this effort, whether it is poor naps or poor nights of sleep resulting in grumpiness (mine or theirs), sickness, or who knows what.  But overall I have been trying to move forward with positivity in mind.

How did I get off on that tangent?  I guess because it is that attitude that has caused me to look back on how sweet and short this thing called parenthood is.

Back to the point…who will my little babies grow up to be?  Will these precious boys grow into Godly, fun-loving men?  I can only hope that they will not be weighed down by the negatives this life can bring.  And what will our journey to their adulthood look like?  I would love to protect them from anything that will hurt them, but how do I protect them from me?  I know I won’t be the perfect parent.  I will make mistakes and the things I do will affect and shape them.  Is my best good enough?

My heart almost hurts to look back at those lost times, but it also bursts with pride when I look at them in the present.  God, help me to savor each moment and approach everything with your goodness.